I’m certain it’s different this year. Typical years, this time and season, it’s busy. Parties, shopping, giving, receiving, creating, rushing to finish up year end, busy at work, busy at home.
This year feels like another level, doesn’t it? I’m asking questions to figure it out as I can’t put my finger on it. One of our front staff who runs a tight ship at the office AND at home, usually has Christmas shopping done a few weeks ago. SHE even said she didn’t have the energy this year…I asked her if she was fevering lol! I’m partly teasing, yet it was one more piece of evidence that something feels different.
My mind goes to so many places. Is it the financial markets? Are people stressed? Anticipating? Is it post covid runoff? Everyone’s nervous systems are just a little OVERLY tapped out more than usual? Is it that physically everyone is catching not one, not two, yet three viruses altogether that their little bodies have yet to see? And parents are taking care of kiddos while nursing their own illnesses? Or maybe all of the above?
I typically like to share information when I’ve understood something, analyzed it eight ways to Sunday and discovered an explanation. Not this time. I’m still scratching my head.
So I’ll share with you where I’m at – potentially to just let others know they aren’t alone and potentially for therapeutic reasons (writing something out gets it out of my cells and onto paper)…eek okay here it goes.
Last week I spent a lot of time in tears. My husband kept asking what was wrong and how can he help. I kept saying, “I’m just so tired.” I was the parent failing left, right and center, snapping at my kids on the second time of asking vs the tenth (arguably, we have to work on that anyways!?). I even had tears at work one morning right before patients. I was talking to my sister, who is always my voice of reason. I looked so terrible from so many tears that even one of my patient’s mom’s asked if I needed a hug?! How sweet right? And downright embarrassing. Yes, I’m human however letting it trickle into my happy place (i.e. work) I was thinking my god this is bad, lol!!?!
I get overwhelmed. I reach an endpoint. Every. Single. Year. At different points. This year it was now. And I was done.
So I went away by myself for two nights. Now I realize VERY CLEARLY that some are not in a position to do this – with babies, with dependents, etc. Yet I dropped four hockey games/practises, two ski lessons, two parties, Christmas shopping, two nights of bedtime routines, two weekend breakfasts, meal prep for a week, laundry, lunch prep, and time spent with my family ALL to be by myself. AND I cried about THAT too?! I couldn’t figure out even if that was the right thing to do. I felt scared not to be in a routine where I was racing around. I was scared to be by myself. I was worried about letting go of control of my schedule and life and my babies. That’s where I’m comfortable.
Yet what if I recognize that my routine, personality, and’ doing’ aren’t serving my best self? What if I uncover a ‘self’ where my nervous system is a bit healthier? This concept of change and shifting my identity is scary. ESPECIALLY in the busiest season of the year!?
So I had a chance to breathe. Like truly breathe. I had a chance to sleep more than I usually do. I had a chance to be. I even reached out to a mentor for some meetings – to dive a bit deeper into this potential shift. A shift that can allow a new me with a more grounded nervous system to unfold.
So here’s to LETTING GO of what isn’t serving you well in this busy season. Here’s to taking care of our nervous systems. Here’s to you. Celebrate you this season. And then. JUST maybe. Just maybe, we can collectively take care of everyone’s nervous systems this season by taking care of our own.
Thoughts?
Big love to you all!
