Do your days feel a bit like a hamster wheel, wherein you never really feel like you have a minute, or if you do you’re too exhausted to enjoy it? Moments for ourselves don’t often happen by accident, rather they need to be consciously created and planned.
Personally, I am a huge fan of mornings. I get up between 4:30-5 each morning, make a cup of matcha and sit for at least 30 minutes. This is often before anyone else gets up, and it’s my time. I might meditate, read something inspiring, do a breathing exercise or sometimes just sit and ponder life. Mornings are typically quiet, a time before the kids are up or your phone starts buzzing and are the perfect time to snatch a minute or two for yourself. There are certainly other times in the day, and I challenge you to reflect on when you might be able to find a minute. I know often as soon as I say this, excuses come up, like I won’t have slept enough to get up that early, or I am too tired in the mornings, or I could do this at lunch but I might get interrupted. It’s time to clear away the excuses and get serious about this. Challenge yourself to try it for a week and see what happens.
Once you’ve found a small window for yourself, what do you do with it? The possibilities are endless, but the point is that it’s yours and yours alone.
Meditation is one of the things that is often recommended as a daily self-care practice, and I cannot tell you the number of times my patients tell me they tried it but are no good at it so gave up. My darlings, everyone sucks at it. That’s the point. Would you go for a run and expect yourself to be good at it right away or lift weights twice and expect your muscles to show the next day? Meditation is much like a workout, for your brain. The mind is a muscle that must be trained and strengthened. The idea is to reign in your ever wondering mind and to get a little more control over it, day by day. For example, sit and focus on your breathing. You’ll likely find within the minute your mind has wondered, so bring your attention back to your breathing. It will wonder again, bring it back. This is the practice. With time, you become better and better at catching the wondering mind and thereby become more calm and present and become more able to let go of the thoughts that do not serve you. Have the courage to give it a go. The more wild your mind, the more you feel like you suck at meditating, the more you need it and the more progress there is to be made.
Daily habits are the perfect place to begin as they lay the foundation for self-care. It’s also important to look at the longer term picture and think about weekly, monthly and yearly goals. Here are some examples.
DAILY: meditating, exercising, journaling, a coffee/reading ritual, taking a shower at the end of your day, reciting a motto or mantra, talking to yourself in a powerful way in the mirror, prayer
WEEKLY: taking an hour walk in nature (alone), a good journaling session, reading a self-help book, listening to an inspiring podcast, reading a fiction book, going to church or other community group
MONTHLY: a spa night, an infrared sauna session, a massage, getting a beauty service done, a session in a float tank, a hike/snowshoe/ski in the mountains, a day at the ocean, lake or river
YEARLY: a vacation (could be self-care oriented if you can or a trip with a friend that nourishes you or your family), start a new routine with friends, join or create a women’s or men’s group, go on a retreat, take a week off work just for yourself, take a course
I challenge you to spend a little time creating these goals for yourself – daily, weekly, monthly and yearly self-care goals. Make them realistic knowing the demands of your life, and go as far as scheduling them in your calendar to hold yourself accountable.
Tips for staying on track:
- Schedule, schedule, schedule – don’t leave it up to chance, “if I have time” or any other non-committal timing
- Check in with a friend or family member so they can cheer you on
- Look for opportunities not obstacles – if you find yourself plagued with excuses, work around them, challenge yourself to see where new opportunities lie
- Don’t beat yourself up – this is meant to be a self-caring practice, not a self-flagellating one – if you miss a goal or are finding it hard to commit, get honest with yourself as to the reasons and adjust accordingly
- Reach out for help – I am here to assist in any way you need
- Have fun with it
👉If you enjoyed this article please check out the other articles in this Self Care Practices for Mental Wellness series.
